You can't special order awesome
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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