You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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