Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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