Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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