Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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