STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
