It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
No subtext here. People are naked.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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