Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
