How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
