Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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