I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
