I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
