How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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