Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
