so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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