It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
it's like heaven, but drunker
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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