Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
