If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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