I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
