Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
