Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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