Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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