When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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