he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
