I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
