At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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