Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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