he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
What happened to fro yo and sex?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
