i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
