You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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