Why are handjobs necessary in class?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
