kristin has been a bad kristin
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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