All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
