weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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