Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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