also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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