I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
