my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
