i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
