great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
