There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
