The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
