You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
it's like iHOP with fire
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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