Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
