When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
