how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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