Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
