im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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