he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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