If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
